So, if you also have anxiety or a fear of dying… Only those closest to the dying person can alleviate this fear. Respect these feelings and let your loved one know you’re there. The attending oncologist, at the center of the group, was serious and quiet. Death should be talked about — not avoided. “Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz. A time when not even an “I love you” will suffice. But if you love, you'll have loss, and that loss may be to death. What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying. Many, if not most, people are afraid of dying. “When am I going to die?” he asked. While this is a nice thought, if you spend all of your time trying to form the … The marrow was only churning out cancer cells. It’s strange that they fear death. Tip: It may be easier to have this conversation after you read a book about death positivity or the experience of dying. People who are dying of cancer appreciate it when their loved ones listen to them. Then, the pain eases. Creative ways to show someone you're thinking of them, Tips for Planning (and Attending) a Funeral Using Zoom, 10 Best Online Memorial Sites: Cost, Features + Reviews, 9 Best Online Therapy & Counseling Services: Features, Cost & Reviews. Miraculously, he didn’t die that night. 5 Ways To Say Goodbye To A Dying Loved One. You will not feel pain.   Researchers believe that children view death without all the trappings, religious beliefs, or defense mechanisms that adults have. But I had to stay calm and say more. Strummed music floated through the room like butterflies. These five essential things to say to a dying person are not meant to be in any specific order by priority. It was right under our eyes, sending the simplest of signals. Linked In. Who you spend your time with matters! Don’t feel pressured to say the perfect thing. Discover the best online memorial sites for remembering a loved one... Facebook. The fear of death is often the fear of not living on your own terms. You could see it in his eyes. This is the beauty of the Three Magic Phrases: dying people live on as long as we go on remembering them, and repeating the phrases we said to them is a very direct connection. The GYST.com website is no longer available for use. He stayed tucked between my legs, clinging to them when not focused on an activity. Don’t feel pressured to say the perfect thing. You may be in shock or have a million questions running through your head. You deserve to see your dreams come true. Nothing can take away a believers glory in Heaven. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. Their children, however, are more likely to fear death. We called in our closest circle and Skyped with family and friends far away. 1. When you talk to your loved one, try to avoid this in conversation. In fact, you have a powerful opportunity to help your dying loved one release their fear and embrace, and even welcome, their death. Some kids worry a lot about death, whether or not they’ve lost someone close. Cherish this time and be intentional with your words and actions. Especially when words seem like they are failing. Our beloveds know we love them. How to comfort someone who's afraid of dying? They are either afraid of something or they are not. I had to find impossible words — words that would bridge the gap between life and death and make his predicament palatable. Words cannot keep a loved one from dying. As a family member or friend, the best you can do is show up and offer unconditional love. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you’re there every step of the way. Try to avoid statements like "I can't imagine how you feel," or "If I were you, I would feel..." This isn't your death experience and you should avoid making it about you. If your loved one is in hospice, you may not know how much time you have together. Of course he knew. What to say when someone is dying; tips from a master in her field. The curved, wooden instrument was unclasped from its case. You have many years to enjoy everything that life has to offer. They may even be waiting for you to bring up the topic. We will be okay.” He needed each of these phrases more than “I love you.”. If your loved one fluctuates between acceptance and denial of death, it's okay. The murmurs increased. I died that day, too. Thanatophobia, or fear of death, is a relatively complicated phobia. Especially since I had my own fear of dying which I am happy to say has waned tremendously.. Death comes to us all. Here are some circumstances where you might need guidance. It's important to leave nothing unsaid. How do I know this? And yet, every fiber pressed on. Death was easy to detect. All you have to do is listen. Exactly one week later, holding my hand, he died. But it was his temperature that told us the landslide of disease was accelerating and about to swallow us whole. He was so very tired. I slowly let out my held-in breath and said, “I am so sorry to tell you this, but you are going to die.”. What words can we give them when there is nothing left but words? Thanatophobia can also be … Now, we were waiting and watching, at the edge of our seats and hospital bed, for them to work their magic. Different people will put different value on each one. But I had to stay calm and say more. Show up, listen and invite your loved one to talk about death as little or as much as he or she wants to. The children traced their names on nametags, listened to a story on the rug, and did a craft project. Continue reading, This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Here are some suggestions for what to say to someone who’s in hospice: Let your loved one know you are there for support, however, it’s needed. Yes. Friends left and night descended. Ankles swollen. Once fear is a close companion it doesn’t leave because someone says . So, what more can we say? And in turn, when it’s our time, I hold onto hope that we too will find comfort in a few magic phrases. Everyone ate chocolate cake, sang, danced, and celebrated his life like there was no tomorrow. Please use them where you see fit. If I asked, “What movie do you want to watch?” He would often answer, “Whatever movie you want to watch.” In third grade, he had an assignment to choose a cause to support. All you have to do is listen. The battered remnants of his healthy self were beaten down by chemo. Added to the mix of love and fatigue, I now saw fear. Your loved one's terminal diagnosis might trigger this response. Instead, it’s possible to meet people where they are in their process and offer compassion and love. Fifty-seven percent of millennials were afraid of dying from the virus compared to 47 percent of those over 65. 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